What to Expect as a Bridesmaid.
Congratulations! You get to stand by your friend on such a special day! Being a bridesmaid is one of the most fun things I’ve done lately and I’m so glad I get to help guide you through it! Being a bridesmaid is a big-time commitment but also a big financial commitment, let’s dive in.
The Showers/Parties
There are quite a few of these. Depending on how long the engagement is will make it easier on you as a bridesmaid! With a longer engagement means your expenses are a little more spread out. The potential celebrations you will be involved in are an engagement party, bridal shower, and couples shower. Depending on what the bride requests for her bridesmaids, you may or may not have to give a gift at all of these. I know some brides say one gift for one out of all of the showers is fine. If you are expected to gift at all of the showers, or if you’re capable (not saying you can’t gift at all showers), consider splitting a larger gift with a bridesmaid or a few of them. Typically, the MOH or mother of the bride will throw the bridal shower, engagement parties and couples showers are usually done by close family/parents. Consider asking the week of how you can help. Ask if you can run errands or be someone day of that can pick up forgotten items or show up early to help decorate. This will go a long way. I know form my experience, I try to show up early and this has resulted in making charcuterie boards, hanging decorations, or being a greeter. Expect people not to ask for help though.
Bachelorette Weekend
Now this one is a whole different ballgame and can cost a giant range because we have girls that cruise, we have girls that go to Vegas, and we have girls that go an hour or so away to the major city near them. I have also found that the average age in the group, when higher, usually makes for a more expensive weekend- a younger group typically can’t afford as much of an experience. Costs to consider are flight/gas, lodging, food, drinks, décor, clothes, and a lingerie shower item. Most brides include the lingerie shower in the bachelorette weekend. Don’t forget you may have to ask off work as well- these weekends sometimes start on Thursdays. Depending on what the MOH picks for location and lodging will probably dictate what you’ll spend. Typically, the MOH incurs a lot of cost here because she will typically pay for a large portion of the bride’s expenses, create cute welcome bags for the bridesmaids and bride, and she will also take on most of the decorating cost. Now this is not the case in every situation, so it may be more involvement or expenses, or less! If the MOH is a mom, or has a crazy work schedule, is having a tough time financially, I’d encourage you to ask how you can help, financially (even if it’s pitching in an extra $25) or if you can send her link/research that will save her time. I know in my situation I helped a MOH find a lot of things that she purchased; she was too busy to research but also liked brainstorming with someone to ensure everything she planned was with the bride in mind. You can also be of assistance by arriving to the location early with the MOH to help decorate- those balloons and streamers actually take an unexpectedly long time to hang up lol. The job of MOH is a big one and as a bridesmaid, you can do a lot just by offering assistance to her.
Other Possibilities
The role of a bridesmaid is important because bridesmaids are support systems, good friends, and family, and the modern day “hype” women for the bride. It is the bridesmaids job to ensure she is happy, taken care of, doesn’t lift a finger unnecessarily and that she feels loved and supported. Sometimes this can mean helping pick out wedding invitations, making signs for the ceremony, using your resources or talents, going to help her find the dress, picking your dress out, going to accessory and alterations appointments, going cake tasting or venue shopping when the significant other is busy, driving the bride to the parties and showers so she can have fun! The possibilities are endless but as long as you tend to the brides needs in a way you can and have the capacity for, then you are good! And if you’re an enneagram 2 like me, there’s a good chance serving people is your favorite thing-being a bridesmaid has opportunity to serve written all over it. One other thing you can do is just provide tons and tons of words of affirmation to the bride, ensuring her that she in fact is the most beautiful bride you’ve seen.
Wedding Weekend
No wedding is created equally so again, the expectations and costs incurred here will vary. What you should think about is a rehearsal dinner outfit, lodging and travel, hair and makeup for the wedding, your look-- dress, alterations, shoes, and jewelry, a wedding gift, transportation like Uber, and a potential Sunday sendoff or brunch type event the next day. All in all, this weekend is a blast and absolutely priceless, the expenses along the way add up but you will be so pleased you’re a part of it. The rehearsal dinner role is very minimal, you typically just walk down the aisle with your assigned groomsmen and learn where to stand. Now, the wedding day is very different—- this is the day we have been looking forward to all of the engagement. On this day, you help hold the brides bouquet, help hold her dress while she uses the restroom, make sure she is hydrated and fed, help fluff her train or bustle the dress, make sure she has her going away or night of bag. Little details that may slip her mind while she is in the moment. This day goes by too too fast so whatever you can do to help her savor it and enjoy it, that is the most important thing you can do.
Thoughts
Being a bridesmaid you will be introduced to new potential friends, you’re guaranteed fun travel, endless laughs, and a great year (give or take) of celebrating someone you love. I think being a bridesmaid is a great honor, and it is absolutely priceless. There’s a lot you can expect but you can’t expect how much you’ll love it. Let me know if you’d if you’d like a deeper dive on any one of these events or topics.