You’re a Maid of Honor, Now What?
Expenses, Planning, and How to Show Up for Your Bride
Congratulations!! What a fun time this will be for you. There is nothing sweeter than celebrating someone you love during such a fun time.
You’re probably feeling a little overwhelmed, maybe you’ve never done this before, or maybe you’ve done this 7 times and know way more than me lol. Regardless, I’m going to try and guide you through this.
Let’s start with a sit down! Plan a FaceTime, a coffee date, a wine night, or some dedicated time to strategize with the bride. You don’t have to have the answers or ideas but it’s a great time for her to feel supported and openly talk about how she envisions the engagement process and wedding festivities. During this time, you can learn what is important to her and where to start.
Start a group text! Offer to take this off of the bride’s plate. You’ll need two at least, One with the bride and one without. But after she asks all of her maids, if you don’t know them, get the contact info from the bride to start the texts. This will be something easy that the bride doesn’t have to think about. In this group text you will do things like relay important, and not always exciting, news to the bridesmaids, like what dress you guys will wear, how much hair costs, etc.
It doesn’t always have to be this way, sometimes the bride does the communicating but if you can do it for her, even better!
Afterall, the role of MOH is to be the bride’s right hand. To help celebrate her, serve her, love her, and make her feel supported in decisions and planning. This may be a stretch but consider her love languages and how best you can love her through those. If she likes gifts, maybe it’s a celebratory bottle of champagne; if its quality time, then maybe you spend time together planning and shopping; if it’s words of affirmation, compliment, compliment, compliment; if it’s physical touch- hug her in celebration?? Honestly, I don’t know about that one hahaha. And lastly, if it’s acts of service try doing things to help her without her asking, take certain planning things off of her plate. You can also consider her enneagram number if you know it. For example I’m a 2. Because I am a 2 (the helper), it would be extremely hard for me to set back, relax, and let other people decorate, plan, and serve, etc. So what my friends and family could be do is give me small tasks to make me feel I’m assisting in some way.
After learning what she wants, and depending on the length of engagement, you can start planning! She will probably want to go venue hunting and dress shopping first, and regardless of if you go or not, just be her biggest cheerleader. Text her you hope she has FUN and that it’s going to be such a great day no matter what she wants. Honestly a MOH is just a full-time hype man. If you do get to go venue hunting or dress shopping, then consider this advice. Give an opinion when asked. Until she says she dislikes it, don’t hate on it. If she loves it, listen to the reason why. Even if she isn’t someone to be super opinionated, try and pull it out of her by asking really detailed questions.
You may have some questions around financial obligations. I don’t blame you. It’s kind of a lot of an under-taking to be the MOH. It all typically starts with conversations though. I feel like age group and family dynamic plays into this a lot as well. For a lot of brides around 25 and under, the mother usually takes on some costs that the MOH would usually pay. But we can’t count on that being every situation. I would make a list and then budget for all costs and if you were going to pay out of pocket for everything. Your list might look something like this:
· Bridesmaid Dress
· Bridesmaid Shoes
· Bridesmaid Hair / Makeup
· Wedding Gift
· Hotel and travel for the wedding (if out of town)
· Bridal Lunch the day of the rehearsal (not super common)
· Rehearsal Dinner outfit
· Bridal Shower invitations
· Bridal Shower decorations
· Bridal Shower food
· Bridal Shower Games
· Bridal Shower Game Prizes
· Bridal Shower gift for the bride
· Bachelorette Party invitations
· Bachelorette Party décor
· Bachelorette place to stay
· Bachelorette party food & drinks
· Bachelorette party outfits
· Bachelorette party travel (flights or gas)
· Bachelorette Party welcome gifts/bags for other girls
· Lingerie Shower Invitations
· Lingerie Shower Gift
Here’s a quick tip on all of the showers and parties you help plan and throw for her… think of her. I know it’s super easy to go Pinterest crazy and run with an idea but take a second to think “What would (bride’s name) love?” Think of the things that make her, her. Does she like classy and elegant or is she full on into cheesy decor? Don’t just pick a theme because it’s cute, it will mean so much more if there is deep intentions behind why you planned what you planned.
Another small tie bit, this one about her dress specifically. It is your job or the other most qualified bridesmaid to learn how to bustle the brides dress (pin the train up for the reception). You have a few other small tasks like this such as after the bride walks down the aisle, it is your job to fluff her train when she is in the correct spot. This will save her pictures and ensure she doesn’t trip!
I don’t want to overwhelm you, but I definitely want you to be prepared for your potential expenses! These may be split between bridesmaids, mother of the brides, mother of the groom, the bride, grandma’s, etc. But it is better to be prepared!
If by chance you want to throw a bachelorette weekend in 30A check out my post on that and how I decorated and planned! Or shop my amazon page for decoration ideas!
In other news, I may have just unloaded a giant bombshell on you if you have never been a maid of honor before, but you’ve got this! I believe in you, most importantly, just show up!